This time the attack was specifically against my tribe. Not a nation or a power. It was a strike against open sexuality and against freedom.
Some of you know I was born in California and grew up in Athens, Greece, marveling at the wonder that I thought the USA to be. In going back to live where I was born, I accrued a sense of disappointment over the past six years, with America and all which it represents in theory but not in action.
How are we "the land of the free" if we're not free from fear? What "home of the brave" when it's your cowardly brother who attacks you? When it's your neighbor's fear of you and lack of understanding that leads him to bear his arms against you. When it's those who are sworn to serve and protect you that kill you.
When marriage was legalized for all, June of last year, my then boyfriend and I had already decided to get married. I wasn't blown away by the development. To me it was like "Duh. About time". It was as if the US was finally catching up with the progressiveness it touts as having.
We've since made a home for ourselves in Madrid my husband and I, and I wonder: will we ever go back? Will we even want to? I left Greece in '09 and ever since I've had a loop in my head: "Why did you leave me? Why didn't you help me? If you loved me, you'd help me get back up...".
What do I owe two countries that have done nothing for me or anyone who doesn't fit their "norm"? Who have we hurt that we be hunted for so many years with curses, fists and laws against us? What upset Omar Mateen so very much that he took weapons and opened fire? Above all:
Why did he have access in the first place?
The US has an image and entitlement problem. We fail to look beneath the surface 'cause it works for us. And by "us" I mean the strongest: the ruling class, the white / male / straight / cis, the Christian - in the worst sense of the word.
Under cover of the principle that America was founded on and believes in high ideals, a number of its citizens look to antique texts, words that have caught cobwebs in their letters and take them literally. They utilize what men of another time have written to rule and ruin the now.
There used to be underpopulation in Biblical times. It used to be a gun may have kept you alive in the New World. But we're not in danger of our numbers dwindling if everyone doesn't couple and procreate traditionally. Guns kill you, gays don't.
My husband scrapes the freezer while I'm still in bed. We have clean sheets, nice trinkets. We are in a cocoon of our own making, in a bubble far from the countries that birthed us and raised us.
I feel safe here. I refuse to be afraid for myself or those I love. I am sad for those who were lost and those who lost their loved ones. I am beside myself that such violent actions are not only permitted but supported by my proud country, still, today. There has to be an end.
My comfort used to be that I really felt it'd just be a matter of time 'till acceptance and understanding came. The generations that hated and feared so much, are growing old. Eventually they will die out. That gave me joy, I will not hide it. The prejudiced will not go by my hand but they will go at some point and when that moment comes the world will breathe easier...
Yet, in my need for comfort, I ignored that those antiquated generations raised the youth of today and that youth, on its own, does not automatically mean the young are open to the new or different from that which they were taught. It does not mean you see in front of you the colorful future of love and cooperation that some of us envision.
To be young may mean you are naive. To be young may mean you are afraid. It may mean that your emotions torture you so, that -with forethought or without- you may feel like doing something violent. When you feel that way, your fate and that of those around you is written by what happens to be at hand in that moment.
It used to be I who hated myself, so much so that with a handy pair of scissors I cut my leg open. Once, shallow cut, never again. I have the scar but I continue to live. I used to be angry with those around me and how the world worked and in my anger once shut a glass door so violently it shattered into a thousand safety crystals. Nobody died.
I am not saying all religious folks or all those who want to have their own weapons are sick. Conversely, I plead with those people who are different from me and hold their own wisdom to speak out as well and help to keep the world we share as safe as possible. No matter whence the impetus to harm may come, let us not foster that impulse with easy access to killing tools. Let's protect our children from harming themselves and harming others. It's way past time.
To help the victims and families of the Pulse shooting donate blood or money. To end US gun violence join the cause here.
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| London Pride, 2010 |
Some of you know I was born in California and grew up in Athens, Greece, marveling at the wonder that I thought the USA to be. In going back to live where I was born, I accrued a sense of disappointment over the past six years, with America and all which it represents in theory but not in action.
How are we "the land of the free" if we're not free from fear? What "home of the brave" when it's your cowardly brother who attacks you? When it's your neighbor's fear of you and lack of understanding that leads him to bear his arms against you. When it's those who are sworn to serve and protect you that kill you.
When marriage was legalized for all, June of last year, my then boyfriend and I had already decided to get married. I wasn't blown away by the development. To me it was like "Duh. About time". It was as if the US was finally catching up with the progressiveness it touts as having.
We've since made a home for ourselves in Madrid my husband and I, and I wonder: will we ever go back? Will we even want to? I left Greece in '09 and ever since I've had a loop in my head: "Why did you leave me? Why didn't you help me? If you loved me, you'd help me get back up...".
What do I owe two countries that have done nothing for me or anyone who doesn't fit their "norm"? Who have we hurt that we be hunted for so many years with curses, fists and laws against us? What upset Omar Mateen so very much that he took weapons and opened fire? Above all:
Why did he have access in the first place?
The US has an image and entitlement problem. We fail to look beneath the surface 'cause it works for us. And by "us" I mean the strongest: the ruling class, the white / male / straight / cis, the Christian - in the worst sense of the word.
Under cover of the principle that America was founded on and believes in high ideals, a number of its citizens look to antique texts, words that have caught cobwebs in their letters and take them literally. They utilize what men of another time have written to rule and ruin the now.
There used to be underpopulation in Biblical times. It used to be a gun may have kept you alive in the New World. But we're not in danger of our numbers dwindling if everyone doesn't couple and procreate traditionally. Guns kill you, gays don't.
I feel safe here. I refuse to be afraid for myself or those I love. I am sad for those who were lost and those who lost their loved ones. I am beside myself that such violent actions are not only permitted but supported by my proud country, still, today. There has to be an end.
My comfort used to be that I really felt it'd just be a matter of time 'till acceptance and understanding came. The generations that hated and feared so much, are growing old. Eventually they will die out. That gave me joy, I will not hide it. The prejudiced will not go by my hand but they will go at some point and when that moment comes the world will breathe easier...
Yet, in my need for comfort, I ignored that those antiquated generations raised the youth of today and that youth, on its own, does not automatically mean the young are open to the new or different from that which they were taught. It does not mean you see in front of you the colorful future of love and cooperation that some of us envision.
To be young may mean you are naive. To be young may mean you are afraid. It may mean that your emotions torture you so, that -with forethought or without- you may feel like doing something violent. When you feel that way, your fate and that of those around you is written by what happens to be at hand in that moment.
It used to be I who hated myself, so much so that with a handy pair of scissors I cut my leg open. Once, shallow cut, never again. I have the scar but I continue to live. I used to be angry with those around me and how the world worked and in my anger once shut a glass door so violently it shattered into a thousand safety crystals. Nobody died.
I am not saying all religious folks or all those who want to have their own weapons are sick. Conversely, I plead with those people who are different from me and hold their own wisdom to speak out as well and help to keep the world we share as safe as possible. No matter whence the impetus to harm may come, let us not foster that impulse with easy access to killing tools. Let's protect our children from harming themselves and harming others. It's way past time.
To help the victims and families of the Pulse shooting donate blood or money. To end US gun violence join the cause here.
